🤖 The Tech Takeover: Musk’s Vision for a Presidentless America
Explore Musk's argument for a self-governing nation, driven by technology instead of human leaders.
La Cebolla: Noticias tan falsas que te hacen llorar
The Next Vacancy: Elon Wants America to Go Sin Presidente
By Sofia "La Chismosa" Reyes — Corresponsal de Locuras Corporativas
First, he eliminated drivers from cars, or as mi tía would say, made them carros locos. Then, he kicked pilots out of planes faster than your prima uninviting her ex from the quinceañera. Now, billionaire and self-proclaimed Rey del Desorden Elon Musk has set his sights on his most ambitious elimination yet: the presidency itself. ¡Ay, Dios mío!
"Think about it," Musk explained during a recent tech conference, looking as convinced as your abuela pushing her secret caldo recipe. "We've proven that human operators are as optional as putting beans in arroz con pollo. Cars drive themselves better than humans. Planes fly themselves better than pilots. The next logical step? A country that runs itself better than any president – órale!"
Industry observers note this isn't the first time Musk has championed removing human operators from complex systems. Like your tío who insists he can fix everything but somehow makes it worse, Musk's Tesla self-driving program has been más o menos successful at convincing people that computers make better drivers than ese güey in the next lane.
"The pattern was there all along, como las manchas en la camisa de tu papá," notes political analyst James Chen. "When you look at Musk's business strategy across his companies, it's consistently about removing human decision-makers from the equation. We just didn't expect him to apply this same logic to the highest office in the land. ¡Qué atrevido!"
Critics point out that while cars and planes follow relatively predictable rules of physics, governing a nation involves complex moral and ethical decisions that can't be reduced to simple algorithms – kind of like trying to explain to your abuelita why you're still single. Supporters counter that recent presidencies haven't exactly showcased stellar human judgment either, ni modo.
"Look at the efficiency gains," argues tech investor Sarah Williams, sounding as enthusiastic as a vendedora at a pyramid scheme presentation. "No more delays from presidential vacations. No more midnight tweet storms. No more human ego getting in the way of policy decisions." She pauses before adding, "La neta, some might say we've been running on autopilot for years anyway."
When asked about the constitutionality of a presidentless executive branch, Musk simply smiled like your primo who says he knows a guy who knows a guy, and asked, "Did the founding fathers ever explicitly say the president had to be human? No dijeron que no, right?"
In a late-night tweet storm that was más picante que el habanero de tu tía, Musk further elaborated: "America's already basically running without a leader anyway - I mean, who's actually stopping anything? My Dogecoin has more influence than..." The tweet trailed off into a series of rocket emojis.
When pressed about this statement during an impromptu conferencia de prensa in his Twitter/X headquarters' parking lot, Musk elaborated while charging his Tesla:
"Look, miren - when you've got former wrestling executives running education and corporate raiders running federal agencies, the system is already doing what we planned - destruyéndose solito. It's like having termites inspect a wooden house."
He then gestured vaguely at the Washington skyline: "The head wanting to destroy the body? ¡Perfecto! That's exactly what we Silicon Valley disruptors call 'optimizing inefficiencies out of the system.' Or as my amigos in tech would say: it's not a bug, it's a feature."
Before driving off in his self-driving Tesla (which somehow ended up at Wendy's instead of his intended destination), Musk added with a wink: "Besides, between my Doge and my algorithms, we're already más poderosos que cualquier presidente. We're just making it official."
Whether this proposal gains traction or not, one thing is clear: for a man who made his fortune removing humans from the driver's seat, the presidency represents the ultimate vacancy to fill - or rather, not fill at all. ¡Así es la vida!
Editor's Note: This article is as real as your tía's claim that she invented tapas and as reliable as a cryptocurrency investment. Any resemblance to actual billionaires trying to automate democracy is purely coincidencia ... probably.
¡Hasta la próxima, mis chismosos! 🌶️
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Somehow the parody factor shrinks by the day, no? Along with the rule of law. But hey, we’re getting exactly what we deserve. Elections have consequences.
A secured Relationship with America? There is no such thing as Secure Relationship. America is a FOREIGN FASCIST COUNTRY THAT BELIEVES IN DOMINATING THE WORLD. No matter the cost. Allies or Adversaries all are ENEMIES TO THE USA. Sanctions,Tariffs,MILITARY INTERVENTIONS,PROXY WARS, COUPS is what AMERICAN FASCISTS THRIVE ON, even at the SUFFERING OF THEIR OWN CITIZENS. International Law,World Rule Based Order,HUMAN RIGHTS , SOVEREIGNTY OF OTHER COUNTRIES ( Canadian Values) are not visible or followed by Fascist America . Unless those values are construed for their FASCIST NEEDS AND DOMINANCE OVER ADVERSARIES OR ALLIES .