🎢 Creative History at its Finest: Univ. of Arizona Robbins’ L.I.E. Site
Unveil the alternate reality spun by Robbins on his new website, highlighting a dizzying array of supposed successes amid financial chaos.
😽 Keepin’ It Simple Summary for Younger Readers
👧🏾✊🏾👦🏾
The former boss of the University of Arizona, Robert Robbins, made a website called L.I.E. 🌐 where he talks about all the good things he did. 🏆 But instead of being honest, he makes it sound like he did great stuff while ignoring that he messed up a lot of things, 💸 like losing a lot of money and making students unhappy. 😟 The website is funny 😂 because it shows how he tries to change the bad things into good stories. 📖✨
🗝️ Takeaways
🌟 The website launch by Robbins, shortly after resigning, presents a comical self-portrait.
📉 It claims "Masterful Financial Management," yet left behind a $240 million deficit.
👮♂️ "Peaceful Conflict Resolution" decisions included using pepper spray on protesting students.
📊 Special features mockingly highlight "strategic" and "creative" approaches to controversial decisions.
🔮 Upcoming content promises even more satirical takes on Robbins' leadership style.
🌐 Former UA President Launches L.I.E. Website: A Master Class in Creative History
Just seven days after stepping down, former University of Arizona President Robert C. Robbins unveiled his new website promoting himself as a "Leader, Innovator, and Educator" - or L.I.E. for short. And folks, rarely has a man lived up to his own acronym so perfectly.
The website, drrobertcrobbins.com (where 'dr' clearly stands for "Definitely Rewriting" history), offers a fascinating alternate reality where:
📊 Leadership Highlights:
"Masterful Financial Management" (If by masterful you mean losing track of $240 million)
"Peaceful Conflict Resolution" (Nothing says peace like pepper-spraying students chanting for peace)
"Transparency" (So transparent that Governor Hobbs had to demand an external audit)
💡 Innovation Achievements:
"Strategic Acquisitions" (Like buying Ashford University despite every red flag short of a neon sign saying "DON'T")
"Creative Accounting" (Making $265 million vanish into the UAGC black hole)
"Due Diligence" (Step 1: Ignore your own economics department's warnings. Step 2: Buy anyway!)
🎓 Educational Excellence:
"Student Engagement" (Engaging them with batons and riot gear)
"Investment in Future" (In pepper spray manufacturers)
"Building Trust" (Through secret deals and selective amnesia)
🛠️ Special Website Features:
A "Reality Distortion Field" that turns financial disasters into "strategic investments"
A "Protest Response Simulator" where every solution involves calling the police
An "Accountability Avoider" that automatically redirects blame to anyone else
A special calculator that makes $240 million deficits disappear
A "Governor Hobbs Response Generator" that produces 50 different ways to say "No comment"
⏳ Coming Soon to the L.I.E. website:
"How to Turn Student Protests into PR Opportunities: A Guide to Peace Through Superior Firepower"
"Creative Mathematics: Making Millions Disappear Without a Magic Wand"
"The Art of Selective Memory: Turning Red Flags into Green Lights"
"Advanced Dodge-ball: Avoiding Questions About Missing Millions"
🏆 Achievement Showcase:
Successfully made UA's economics department look prophetic
Set new records in student-administration distance (measured in pepper spray range)
Pioneered new methods of financial reporting where numbers are more suggestion than fact
Achieved perfect consistency in ignoring faculty, student, and governmental concerns
Remember folks, in Robbins' own words, he's a "leader, innovator, educator" who just happened to leave behind:
A $240 million financial crater
A university facing multiple investigations
A legacy of brutalized peaceful protesters
A shady online university deal costing $265 million
A governor demanding external oversight
And a website that turns it all into achievements!
But hey, as this cardiac surgeon likes to say, "All bleeding stops eventually," whether it's the university's finances, student protesters, or the truth itself.
(Note: All statements are subject to revision, just like UA's financial statements, protest response protocols, and Robbins' version of reality)
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